Not logging my dreams because they've either been repetitive school crap (Why?) or too nonsensical too blog. I think my dream was misplaced last night, though. Dave blames this on a virus we had but, who knows?:

He dreamed I was working for Ethan Persoff somehow. And I'd gotten in trouble for harassing Patrick & Eugene online. (I can't say that's anything I've ever wanted to do, but then again, my dream self often manages to be stranger than I am.)  So, Ethan, Dave, and a representitive of Patrick & Eugene had a meeting inside a large industrial building at the top of a carnival slide. Fun!

I leave you with an earworm:

Use this rocker!

I visited my family last week. I can only handle short visits because after a while, I run out of things to say, and when that happens, I'm scared of things shifting to directions I can't handle. I don't want to get dragged into family drama again. The superficial niceness I get when I visit always leaves me feeling strange. It's not that I don't think they're capable of being genuinely nice to me, but it's hard for me to forget all the tension under the surface, and I don't like giving it time to bubble up.

So, I had one of those dreams last night where I was with my family and everything was peachy keen. My brother and I were temporarily sharing a room for some reason. It was awkward, but we were getting along, so it wasn't such a big deal. My family was talking about going to some botanic gardens somewhere, probably because Dave and I still need to make a trip to the wildflower center. Except for some reason, there were going to be monkeys there. Monkeys. My parents had a friend over, and for some reason, he didn't like any of this.

I really don't know what he was yelling about, but it was obvious he had a problem with me. He was in the car with my family and I he started yelling about how stupid it was to see monkeys at the botanic gardens. I don't know how my family reacted to this. I'm having trouble remembering if they started yelling, too, or if they just did nothing. All I know is that somehow, I wound up outside the car with the guy and he tried to kill me. Then, I was like, fuck, this is a dream, he's not really gonna kill me. So I started attacking him with a rock until I woke up.

Since I didn't just start crying like I do in a lot of those dreams, I didn't feel as hurt afterwards as usual, but it was still weird. Why did I fight that guy, and not my parents? He was probably just a symbol of the tension my family tries to pretend isn't there, often by projecting it on me. So...what, did I kill the tension? Why don't I just beat up my family in my dreams? I'm so confused.

Because of monkeys.

Egad. No posts since my April Fools thing? Nuts. Well, I'm not logging my dreams much because I have other things going on. But hey, I think this blog served its purpose and got me to write about something fairly regularly, which is really all I set out to do. Hopefully, I can work up the focus to work on my web page and blog about more normal things. I'm not abandoning this project all together; there's just not much to say.

Hell, I didn't even mention that I had to stop physical therapy after three visits due to insurance crap. Otherwise, I would've been done by now. :/ I still hurt. Doing what I can on my own to work on it, though.

Well, I just got off the phone with a shady government agency. I wish I could be more specific, but you know how those people are: they like their secrecy. Still, I assume it's OK if I tell everyone what happened, because it's not like you can find the responsible party.

So...the man on the phone apologized for the pain I've been in. It was weird because I didn't even mention that I was hurting! I asked him how he knew about it, and he explained that some scientists he'd spoken with informed him that it was a strong possibility. He said it hard enough to enable me to feel in the first place and that there were bound to be a few bugs in my wiring since I'm just a prototype.

Still, even with all my malfunctions, they want me on the front lines. After all, a complex machine like myself has to be good for something. But...but...I don't want to be a war android, damn it! Can't I just continue to live a peaceful existence? Screw the American government! I'm going to Japan to open a coffee shop! You can't stop me!

The closest neurologist I can get to with my insurance is in Houston. Fun! So, I guess I'm doing psychical therapy. Not something I was looking forward to doing. Hey, at least the guy bothered to examine me, though, unlike my doctor. =p Twice a week for a few weeks. I'll try to explain what he thinks is wrong as soon as I understand what he's trying to talk about...um...you know how it is with medical terminology.

Well, nerve conduction study results are in. Nothing showed up. And it took two weeks for that to happen. :P Dave's been rubbing my back and noticed that most of the areas where I report the most pain are pretty tense, so it's possible my muscles are just putting a lot of pressure on my nerves and that there's nothing actually wrong with my nerves. Meaning that it could actually be anxiety. Arg. But I fucking hate the way I feel on antidepressants. I'm still gonna try getting to a neurologist; I guess I'd just like another perspective on things. Most psychiatrists I have access to are just good prescribing medications while not addressing the real problem.

The pain management place I wanted to go to has a six month waiting list. I don't have a lot of other options in that department due to insurance. My doctor still stupidly insists anxiety is my problem. Riiiiight. And if I sleep on anxiety funny, I hurt like hell. Makes sense!

I did get a nerve conduction study done. Not sure what that's gonna show. Then Dave and I got home to discover that somebody broke into our house and stole $125 off my dresser (Christmas and birthday money) and Dave's laptop. Everything else had been gone through, which is probably what pissed me off the most.

Ug...so, somewhere along the line, I did something to my back that caused my nerves to go crazy and start hurting. I've never been in so much pain and my doctor refuses to prescribe pain medications.  Instead, I'm supposed to go to a pain management clinic, but for some stupid insurance reason, I had to wait for the clinic I go to to call the insurance company for approval. I was told it would take "a couple of days" but the week's almost over and I was in last Friday. Grrrr. So tired of hurting.

Saturday morning, Dave and I were snuggling in bed before we got up, and I drifted off to sleep. I had a dream where we were living in an apartment. The carpet was flooded for some reason and was even muddy. I asked Dave what was going on, but I don't remember him giving me much of an answer before the scene changed and I was volunteering at a school library. Dave was there, too, for some reason. I had time off, so Dave and I wandered around the school building. There were these weird window displays. I'm remembering something about dragons and a Christmas display involving model trains that wound up crashing. He took me back to the library, and we kissed. Dave said he saw some guy he used to know from the Navy and I turned around to see a guy who looked like L. Ron Hubbard's face pasted on a skinny body. I kind of freaked at that, but I decided just to ignore it and I went back to kissing Dave, but then I woke up. O...K!

Blarg, brain, stop dreaming about random internet stuff! OK, so there's this webcomic called I Was Kidnapped By Lesbian Pirates From Outer Space!!! that I like a lot because it's full of the important things in life: lesbians, pirates, and outer space.

I had a dream where its creator, Megan Rose Gedris,  was flying in to Austin and Dave and I were supposed to pick her up at the airport. I'm not entirely sure what she was doing in town, but the setup probably just has to do with the fact that I like dragging people around Austin. Anyway, before that, we were supposed to take a woman who was playing Susan in a stage production of I Was Kidnapped By Lesbian Pirates From Outer Space!!! to meet her, so we picked her up. OMGLOLWTFBBQ? I hope it was a musical because there would be some funny songs in it. I think we got lost on the way to the airport, but we did eventually get there. And then we went comic shopping at Austin Books & Comics because it was my dream and I decided that driving around was getting boring. Yay?

I suppose most of this had to do with the fact that I'd spent the previous day finishing up Yu+Me:dream, but dreaming about people I've never met is always a bit strange...but then again, I guess I prefer it to all those getting lost in a school dreams.

OK, for some reason, I started this entry and never finished it, but I saved it, which is why the date is from a week ago but you're just now seeing it.